Sœurs D'armes
by Girl-chama
Summary: Volpina is getting real tired of yer crap, Ladybug, AKA Volpina is Big Sister LadyNoir shipper. Sort of.


"Bye bye, little butterfly," Ladybug, chirped, one hand waving as the other hooked her bandalore back into its resting spot.

As the small winged creature disappeared into the dark, Paris sky, she turned back to the others who were watching her with varying expressions of amusement. Chat was grinning, open adoration on his face. Volpina was tucking her flute back onto her belt, a smirk quietly tugging at her lips.

As the cat swept forward to grab for her hand, Volpina quickly side-stepped in, pinching his wrist between two deceptively delicate fingers. Her claws were almost as sharp as his. He pouted at the tall girl, who maintained her smirk long enough to shove his hand away.

"Shoo, pretty kitty," she dismissed with a wave. "We need a moment of girl talk without keen-eared tomcats listening in."

"Ooh, girl talk… Sound purrfectly- mphrfh!"

Tired of his puns and shenangigans, Volpina released her hold on his lips, an apathetic expression fixed on Ladybug.

"What do you think, capitan?" she queried while Ladybug blinked at the two of them.

"Uh, sure? I guess," she offered. Chat gave off rubbing his offended lips to pout, but quickly recovered. "Whatever you ladies discuss, don't leave meowt of it." He saluted her with a wink and dashed off of the rooftop with a clean jump to the next. On four feet he ate up distance easily, and Ladybug watched his departure appreciatively until Volpina cleared her throat. Apparently, she had been honest, and not just exasperated with Chat's constant flirting, if her dark eyes were to be believed.

"We have to talk," the fox said flatly.

"Yes, that was established, I think," Ladybug returned with a grin.

"Why are you not pursuing the cat?"

Her smile dropped like gravity had attacked and she blinked, "Wh-what?"

"You. Chat Noir. It would be very helpful for my patience if you would stop dancing around each other and just commit to whatever you're about." Her face flamed to a mortified shade of red very close to the color of her suit, and Ladybug frowned mightily, trying to keep her voice down at the remembrance of their third's keen ears.

"We have much more important things to focus on."

Despite the sharp tone directed at her, Volpina laughed, "Like what? Your _grades_?"

It felt like it should be a dig, a recrimination of some kind, but Ladybug did not see the humor in it. She clenched her fists and pouted. Besides, grades were pretty important, and more than a few of hers had flirted with disaster over the past year.

"How about Akuma?" she suggested tartly.

Contrarily, Volpina sighed in disgust, glancing away with a shake of her head.

"There are always more Akuma." She turned with a half-smirk and said, "Not so for l'amour." Ladybug opened her mouth to retort something, anything, to refute the idea that whatever she felt for Chat could be labeled as strongly as _love_. Her mouth was gaping, ready, but sound refused to come out. As if she had not even tried, Volpina continued, "Isn't there something you want to _do_ after this?"

"After?" Ladybug asked, surprised at the sudden turn in direction.

"I _mean_ , don't you think about the future?"

"Of course!"

"Well, so does your dedicated protector," Volpina assured her calmly. "He looks at you like his future is already woven and you are the yarn."

"He- He's not that serious," Ladybug retorted, her face feeling even warmer. If any more blood rushed to her head she might pass out. How did she always feel so faint when her heart was involved? Of course, Volpina was _wrong_. Like, Marinette-ate-six-croissants wrong. Like, Alya-thinking-Chloe-Ladybug wrong. Like… Like Chat Noir in love with her?

Chat Noir- yes, he admired her… and he protected her. And he normally took the hits when they were fighting, and he respected her desire for privacy. He… She felt a moan crawl its way up her throat without assistance.

"Oh yes, he _is_ that serious," the fox assured her.

Forced into a corner, Ladybug snapped, "How would you even know such a thing? Did he _tell_ you? Do you guys stay up late talking and eating gelato and-"

Untroubled by the shortness of her reply, Volpina laughed, "I don't need to talk to him. I only need to _look_ at him." Ladybug stared at her, at the resolution in her face. Brown eyes met blue and the corner of her orange mask quirked as she lifted a brow in challenge. Ladybug swallowed roughly, unsure of herself.

"How old are you?" the fox asked her quickly.

"Wha- why?"

Humming, her teammate explained, "You probably like shy boys." She began to tick off a list on her fingers, "Boys who never smile too big, who never act out, who always do the right thing, as pure as milk, no?" Ladybug flushed, first in anger, then in embarrassment. The descriptors definitely could have applied to Adrien Agreste. "Uh huh. That's what I thought."

Haughtily, she continued, "But what about _men_? Men who know what they want? Who treat you with respect and not like a wilting flower? Who match your strength with their own and never let you down?"

"What are you even talking about?"

"Let me ask you this: have you ever tried to make plans for dinner with friends and one of you says, 'I don't care what we eat. You decide,' and the next one says, 'I don't know. Someone else pick,' and so on and so on? Before you know it, no one has made a decision, everyone is hangry and you all end up eating burgers and becoming fat Americans!" she nearly shouted with the passion of her words. Ladybug blinked at her, stunned and Volpina quietly cleared her throat.

" _That_ _'s_ what it's like to have a wishy washy partner. Suddenly they agree with everything you say, and whatever you want to do."

"And what's so wrong with that?"

"It's boring, that's what, and when you become an adult you find that you would rather have someone who is not afraid to take life by the balls! Someone who is not so timid that they can't reach for their dreams, or be bold in their choices. Not everything has to be _difficile_ , but you don't want someone who doesn't have their own mind. _You_ only have one body and one brain and not enough space or time to think for two." She stuck out her tongue with a shudder. "Ugh, too tiring."

Volpina turned and saw Ladybug was staring at her like aliens had just descended from the sky and she did not know whether to shake hands or throw her bandalore.

"I'm just saying, one day soon you'll have to decide. And he might not always be there waiting for you when you finally know your own mind." The tirade ended, Volpina regarded her silently, while Ladybug gathered her wits. It was one thing to have Alya counsel her and ask questions patiently and encouragingly and another thing entirely for someone she barely knew, who certainly did not know Marinette's heart, to dress her down on the matters of love.

Annoyed, she retorted, "So, are you Grandmere Volpina, then? Here to save the day and make me eat sweets?"

But the orange-clad girl just grinned, "That tasty chat would probably want you to take a bit out of him. And I'm not your grandmother. Maybe your sœur gênant, though. God knows you need one. I've been doing this for a while now, and I _know_ that a sure thing is better than wasted hope.

"Like I said, if you don't go for it, he might not be there. He might already be taken by someone else." Volpina buffed her claws against her chest, entirely too casual with the statement to be anything but direct. Ladybug was silent.

"Think about it. Maybe mangia," she suggested with a grin. Having said her piece, she did not wait for Bug to reply but dashed off of the roof, flipping in a high jump to the next building before rolling to a crouch. From there she sprinted between the dotted buildings like stepping stones. She was four away before she turned back to see Ladybug departing in the opposite direction.

A soft footfall behind her made her smirk.

"What did she say?" Chat Noir asked, but Volpina did not turn around.

"Not much, but she's thinking about it. Seriously."

Chat grinned, his cute mouth pursed into something hopeful and charming. Volpina grinned at him, her amusement with the situation buoying her spirits. "Give her some time before you try to pounce again, though, okay?"

The reminder for patience brought him back to earth, and he pulled at a tuft of blond hair, crying, "This heartbreak is killing me."

Volpina frowned. It was one thing to put up with histrionics as long as it suited and amused her, but even she had her own limits of patience.

Annoyed, she fixed a smart glare on him, "You don't even know what heartbreak is, boy." He recoiled a step at her harsh tone, and she shook her head, softening.

"Soo…" he attempted, his contrite voice grabbing her attention. "About the favor you wanted…"

"Uh uh," she smirked, shaking her head. "Mine to collect when I say. Au revoir, tomcat," and she disappeared into the dark as cunning as she pleased.

**fingers crossed that Team Ladybug does not introduce Volpina as a third wheel into the LadyNoir romance. My tender shipping heart couldn't handle it.


End file.
